Gangs and my thoughts on the Bible.

I got that weird feeling again today. the one where i feel like i need to pack up and move away immediately. but in a good way. not because i am discontent, or because im sad or bored, but because i desperately want to meet new people unlike myself and everyone i know. it all started last night when i was watching PBS. i really can't handle sitcoms anymore. all i ever want to watch are those boring yet informative documentories about world travel and things. this show was about gangs in El Salvador. at one point they asked this gang 18 member what he thought about death. the kid just said "i know what i do in God's eyes is bad. but in my eyes, and my gangs eyes, it is for good. Where do you think i will go when i die? i think i will go to hell where i will burn."
it about killed me.
for ages now, i've had the desire to live in places that no-one else will go. i want to live in India, Sudan, Cairo, and now El Salvador. i want to live in ghettos, experience poverty, and love people who've never known love. i know it will be hard, but i can't stop watching these shows and getting more and more desperate for these people. its in those moments that i actually feel something stronger than any emotion i could fake. my heart for the unloveable is real. i've felt numb for so long, its actually good to feel heartbreak again.
Today is gross and rainy, and i love it. i woke up to find myself sleeping in dog puke (scout is sick) and still, i am in a good mood. i nannied all morning and my sister was unusually crabby, and yet, today seems beautiful. i read my bible for the first time in awhile last night, and it hit me, this book is crazy. its our entire, messed up history of love, war, sex, violence, peace, death and life. and i love it. i've never been excited to read the bible before. this is a big step.