sooner or later, i might let you down.

Sometimes i just really struggle with the thought that i let you down.
not just you, everybody. preferably, i would like to just skeep by, without standards, without responsiblity and thus never letting anyone be dissapointed by me. ever. i realize this is ludacris. but it sounds nice.
the thing is, i have alot of responsabilities right now, and im terrified of failing. the truth is, i would love to write everyone of my supporters "thank you" letters every month. i would love to have the drama perfect and polished by next week. i would love to have every single assignment finished by monday. i would love to have to my bathroom cleaned, my car washed, my room spotless, the mobile tip planned and paid for. i would love to call a member of my family every single day, just so they know i have no forgotten them. i would love to come home to portland this weekend, just to have a small escape.
i guess what i am trying to say is, im sorry. im sorry for letting you down. im sorry that you may not have heard from me in awhile, or think maybe i had forgotten you. its simply not true. i am not good at this yet, but im working on it. so please forgive me. i love you.