in the bleak mid-winter.

This last week has been rough. I can't even put into words the things that have been bothering me. They are undescribable, and if i tried to talk about them, they would come out almost as trivial. but they aren't. If i had ever felt like giving up, it would have been this week. I need christmas. i need my family, friends, rest, eggnog, my cats and my bed. but mostly, i need the reminder of what christmas really is.
I get so self-absorbed this time of year. which is ironic, seeing as its the "season of giving" and all. i dont know, maybe its just because this week has been so bad. it all started with the big storm. our power went out, and while the rest of salem got their power back the next morning, we went a good three days without it. three days of freezing cold houses, scary dark rooms and no way to cook any food. normally, i would view this as a grand adventure ( the first night i did.) but it was strange. i felt more alone than i ever have in my entire life. every body seemed to have gone. now, this wouldnt have been so terrible if my car hadn't died this week. i felt stranded. forgotten. i kept trying to remind myself that God is faithful. that he will never leave me. but when people (who are made in his image) do forget me and leave me, its so hard to believe that God will not.
It's getting better. the electricity is back on today, which is a plus. i am avoiding going back to the house because everything in our fridge is rotten, and i know it needs to be cleaned. i really wish i had the new sufjan stevens christmas album, because then i would go home and sing really loud and hope the time passes quickly until Christmas.