home sweet...africa?

yup.

its official. i miss africa. terribly. and i would have about a million pictures to put up, but i get nervous trying to figure these sorts of things out... things like how to post pictures on a blog. i dont know why. some may even say its irrational.
well, anyway, the african adventure is not one i can easily put into writing. the whole journey was crazy and beautiful and scary and good. there were definite times i probably should've died. I remember trying to email my mom, and being all undercover (like i couldnt say "jesus" or things of that nature) so i used all these sly code-words. i have ALWAYS wanted to use sly code-words. but this was for reals.
my main goal, throughout all these emails, was to convey a sense of security, and even harmony. for instance, when i got sick (so sick, i was found sleeping on a dirt floor next to a squatty potty in 120 degree weather at 3 am) i tried to brush it off, making it sound like i was a bit "under the weather," when in fact, i was told i had malaria. i still dont know what i had. all i know is, it was aweful.
every minute of my life there was extremely unstable. not in a bad sense, but in a way where i could never count on anything, except peoples words. I began to trust people, not because i wanted to, but because my life depended on it. for me, this is a big deal. people have always let me down, and i am no exception. i have built a firm foundation on the fact that people fail, and i will be hurt.
however, i could not live like this in africa. i had to trust. i had to believe that when i left the bus station in the middle of some crazy city in some crazy nation, that someone would be there to pick me up, to help me adjust, and to be my friend. i didnt have a phone, and email was rare and expensive. and so, i began to let down my guard.
through that, i got to experience some of the most raw friendships i have ever had. i really like africa. i still am processing that trip, and wondering when i will ever go back, because believe you me, i will.
as of now, i am trying to adjust to "normal" life again, whatever that means. sometimes i want to tell people whats out there, whats really going on in the rest of the world, but words just cant do it. and so, i am trying to live it.