in the bleak mid-winter.

This last week has been rough. I can't even put into words the things that have been bothering me. They are undescribable, and if i tried to talk about them, they would come out almost as trivial. but they aren't. If i had ever felt like giving up, it would have been this week. I need christmas. i need my family, friends, rest, eggnog, my cats and my bed. but mostly, i need the reminder of what christmas really is.
I get so self-absorbed this time of year. which is ironic, seeing as its the "season of giving" and all. i dont know, maybe its just because this week has been so bad. it all started with the big storm. our power went out, and while the rest of salem got their power back the next morning, we went a good three days without it. three days of freezing cold houses, scary dark rooms and no way to cook any food. normally, i would view this as a grand adventure ( the first night i did.) but it was strange. i felt more alone than i ever have in my entire life. every body seemed to have gone. now, this wouldnt have been so terrible if my car hadn't died this week. i felt stranded. forgotten. i kept trying to remind myself that God is faithful. that he will never leave me. but when people (who are made in his image) do forget me and leave me, its so hard to believe that God will not.
It's getting better. the electricity is back on today, which is a plus. i am avoiding going back to the house because everything in our fridge is rotten, and i know it needs to be cleaned. i really wish i had the new sufjan stevens christmas album, because then i would go home and sing really loud and hope the time passes quickly until Christmas.

mulling it over

I simply cannot believe that this year is almost over. This time last year i was getting ready to move to salem to start my DTS as a frazzled and somewhat insecure wanna-be missionary. I had no idea that in just a few short months i would be traveling to eastern europe, working amongst muslims, having my faith rocked and restored, having my heart ripped open, and learning that recovery is not a quick process. I had no idea that my most favorite people in the world would be orphans, and that i would be swimmming in the black sea with some of the most amazing people i will ever meet. i had no idea that i would be eating bread and fried goat cheese everyday for a month in Georgia (they call it "hodgepouri")
I did know that God was going teach me amazing things, but i didnt know that those things would be so difficult, that i would learn first-hand about forgiveness, even when every fiber in my being just wanted revenge. I learned that God is crazy in love with EVERY single human being, and no matter how hard we try to de-humanize people, God's love still burns so feirce. I learned that when God told me to start loving the Gypsies as He loves them. I will always love the gypsies, thanks to nomadic blood that seems to run through my veins.
What a good year it has been. This upcoming school leaves for thailand on the 28th, and the january school (that i desperately want to staff) will be starting january 8th. its going to be another incredible year, and i know that only because i have no idea whats going to happen.