Finally some africa pictures!

So, here are some of my memories from the african summer. there are about a million others, but these particular ones made my heart flutter when i was searching through the endless sea of pictures. They are from all over, and in no particular order. i might post some more someday. its just strange. every single picture has a story behind it, and i want to explain it in full detail, but i cant. you just have to be there.

home sweet...africa?

yup.

its official. i miss africa. terribly. and i would have about a million pictures to put up, but i get nervous trying to figure these sorts of things out... things like how to post pictures on a blog. i dont know why. some may even say its irrational.
well, anyway, the african adventure is not one i can easily put into writing. the whole journey was crazy and beautiful and scary and good. there were definite times i probably should've died. I remember trying to email my mom, and being all undercover (like i couldnt say "jesus" or things of that nature) so i used all these sly code-words. i have ALWAYS wanted to use sly code-words. but this was for reals.
my main goal, throughout all these emails, was to convey a sense of security, and even harmony. for instance, when i got sick (so sick, i was found sleeping on a dirt floor next to a squatty potty in 120 degree weather at 3 am) i tried to brush it off, making it sound like i was a bit "under the weather," when in fact, i was told i had malaria. i still dont know what i had. all i know is, it was aweful.
every minute of my life there was extremely unstable. not in a bad sense, but in a way where i could never count on anything, except peoples words. I began to trust people, not because i wanted to, but because my life depended on it. for me, this is a big deal. people have always let me down, and i am no exception. i have built a firm foundation on the fact that people fail, and i will be hurt.
however, i could not live like this in africa. i had to trust. i had to believe that when i left the bus station in the middle of some crazy city in some crazy nation, that someone would be there to pick me up, to help me adjust, and to be my friend. i didnt have a phone, and email was rare and expensive. and so, i began to let down my guard.
through that, i got to experience some of the most raw friendships i have ever had. i really like africa. i still am processing that trip, and wondering when i will ever go back, because believe you me, i will.
as of now, i am trying to adjust to "normal" life again, whatever that means. sometimes i want to tell people whats out there, whats really going on in the rest of the world, but words just cant do it. and so, i am trying to live it.

i've found it.

Over a month i have been in the states now, and still my determination to see certain nations changed hasn't diminished. There is something new, and a little frightening, growing in my heart, my mind, my every-day thoughts. Its the notion that maybe, just maybe, I really can change the world.
As i look back on the years (maybe even months) i see an insecure girl start to step up, step out, and face her (numerous) fears that have held her back most of her life. She has striven, mind you, her entire existence to find a cause to throw her entire being at...Every ounce of her has screamed for a life worth living for. However, she also knew this meant facing unspeakable fears. She would be discovered... all her dirt, all her grime, all her weakeness. and eveyone would see the true failure she really was.
But something was whispering deep into her soul. Saying "My grace is sufficient for you. my grace is sufficient for you." What is grace? she'd been taught about it her whole life. she'd sung the songs, read the verses, even told other people about it. but i dont think she ever really got it. until recently.
Yes, she is a failure. she could never save herself. she could never save others. But she started to do something, something entirely key to her very existence. she started to do things she'd been taught. little things, like actually loving her neighbor, whether that neigbor be in Africa, or literally right next door. She started to spread the gospel, whether it was with actions, or standing in front of hundreds of people and sharing about Jesus. Although she never felt worthy, God always used her. Although she never felt worthy, God found her extremely capable.
And during all this, the fears began to fade. What can man do to me? oh, alot. But the better question is, what can i do for man? the answer, is love. i can love them. i can feed them. i can tell them they are beautiful and valuable, and even equip them to become nation changers. I had no idea that this girl actually had the authority to speak into peoples lives. Grace, maybe not yet even fully understood, had alot to do with this new revelation.
It is a continuous journey for me to figure out this whole grace thing. its something prostitutes, drug addicts, drunks, and criminals get, but for some reason, those of us raised in the church have the hardest time figuring this out. I have to earn it! It cant possibly be free! thats preposterous!
But no, it really is free. I am a failure. in so many ways. But i am done condemning myself. God certainly never condemned me. and to show my gratitude, i have decided to take the steps to follow him, whether they are baby steps, or gigantic "go to africa alone" steps. and with each step comes the greatest adventures i could ever hope for.

its become so real

These days, it seems like the Portland international airport is the hub of my social life. I have been there more times this last week than i have this entire last year. This week, i said goodbye to my norwegian friend as she heads home for the summer, said "nee-how" to danielles fiancee's (krispin) family as they flew in from china, said goodbye to my german friend as he heads home, and goodbye to mel, my friend from kansas. The worst, however, was saying goodbye to Lindsay, my oldest sibling whom i have adored and looked up to my whole life. She left for Uganda yesterday, and i only wish i could be there with her. However, that same day, my parents flew in from alaska where they had amazing adventures with God and the natives in the the alaskan bush.

My life is a blur of goodbye and hello.

And i am still not used to it. i don't think i ever will be. I knew when i chose this lifestyle, that it would be crazy, but still, nothing can fully prepare you for saying goodbye to the people who have become your family, over and over. I will see them all again, but it seems like and eternity away. but really, its just until the fall.

What makes it a little more bearable is the fact that i am LEAVING FOR AFRICA IN 2 1/2 WEEKS! its for sure. the tickets are bought, ministries planned, itinerary sorted out, and team assembled. and i am really really excited. so, i am going to tell you kind of what we are doing...

first, Minju and I fly out of Portland on july 9th and catch our connecting flight to Uganda in Amsterdam. the cool part is, we are meeting up with two boys there, who will be joining us in our adventures in Uganda and Sudan. their names are David and Darrel and they really love Jesus. Then we fly into Entebbe Uganda. A friend of mine and Minju's is already in Uganda working with AIDS orphans (Annie from Corban College), and she is sending a taxi down to Entebbe to take us to Kampala where she will be waiting. From Kampala we are traveling by bus up to northern Uganda to a city called Arua, where we will be staying at a base there, helping out with local needs and learning more about how we can get connected. From Arua, we will border hop to South Sudan to a town called Yei, for ten days, helping another base in ministry wherever it is needed. Mostly in IDP (internally Displaced Peoples) camps. We might be digging wells, building huts, working with children, teaching english or whatever else we can do. We just want to serve while learning more about the situation over there. one of my major goals is to obtain enough information as i can and bring it back to my church and to the base. The more info we have, the more responsible we become, and the more responsible we become, the more passionate we are for bringing change.

From Yei, we travel southeast to Gulu and will be there for around 8 days. This is an area that has been ravaged by war. The infamous LRA (Lords Resistance Army) in previous years has been known to completely ransack this area, destroying villages, kidnapping children to become child soldiers, and killing anyone and everyone in their path. Gulu is packed with IDP camps. Camps where entire generations have grown up never knowing a land of their own. never knowing a life without war.
Here, we will be going to different villages (camps) and making friends with these beautiful people. Some villages in this area have never heard the gospel, they are an unreached people group, and we have the honor and privilege to be the first to share it with them. We actually have to hike into some of these villages because they are so unreached. there are no roads! it's a good thing i have a strong back, but im still going to pack light. this is going to be fantastically out of my comfort zone! hooray!

From Gulu, we travel south to Soroti for a few days to drop off our friend Annie where she will spend the remainder of her time working in a clinic for AIDS patients. Minju, David, Darrel and I will then head to Entebbe where we will catch a flight to Kenya where we have a short layover, then on to Khartoum, Sudan. We will be there for 25 days doing a variety of things. i can specify later on those details...

but anyhow, then we fly home to good ol PDX on the 29th of August. you guys, i am so thankful. so excited. so not ready (but am i ever?) and so in love with jesus that i will follow him to the ends of the earth. I simply cannot wait to share all of my adventures, stories, experiences, pictures and information when i return. I will be different, there is no avoiding that. I have a strange feeling that during this trip, i will learn more about my identity and my destiny. Who i am in christ, how i am going to use my gifts, and how i am going to live out my passion.
I am counting down the days.

the crazy part is, i fly into Uganda the day Lindsay flies out. life is so strange sometimes. but so beautiful.

the african summer

where have the days gone?
honestly, did the california mobile trip really end more than three weeks ago? The days have been a frantic blur, amidst which i am making the hardest decisions i have ever had to make in my life.
California was incredible. We got over 150 contacts who are interested in missions, and now our job has been to keep in touch by calling and emailing, encouraging them to do something with their lives. encouraging them to change the world. encouraging them to come do a DTS!
After we returned to Salem, I was told by the leadership that I was not going to be able to go to Africa this summer. I dont know if i told everyone, but my plan for this summer was that i would go to Uganda/ Sudan with my friend and colleague, Minju. After India and Australia fell through, i desperately wanted this chance. I have wanted to work in Africa for so long, this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I had so many questions, and so many reservations. But i decided to try. So, as you can imagine, being told "no" right after california was a bit heart-wrenching. But something told me to try again. Minju and i sat down and decided to re-submit a preposal to the leadership. But something was holding me back. After having thought that i was supposed to go to India and Australia, i was doubting the fact that God had said to go to Africa. I thought maybe this was simply me just wanting to go. Minju and I decided right then and there to pray, and ask God for a clear answer. I hate being this bold with God, because i am afraid His answer will be something i am uncomfortable with.
So i sat there, and told God i was OK with anything He wanted for me. I was honestly OK with staying here in Salem. I would serve, i would be the best registrar/hospitality preson they have ever had! I would mobilize and recruit, and most importantly, i would have joy, because i serve and amazing God. And then i told him i was also pretty cool with going to Africa, too. I told him i know it didnt make much sense, what with visas and plane tickets and all, but I would go if he still told me.
and then i waited. and in the silence, all i heard was "Go." over and over. and then i felt peace. for the first time in months, i felt real peace. peace that passes ALL understanding. It didnt make sense. Honestly, it would be easier to stay and serve on the base. it would be easy to explain to people why i wasn't going, why i had to stay. logically, it was simple not to go. but that is not what i heard.
my fear disappeared. my questions were quieted. And so we finished the proposal form, and turned it into the leadership. They had already said no, but now i knew what God has said. After a weekend of prayer and consideration, they cleared me to go to Uganda and Sudan. that was a week ago. Since then, Minju and i have sent in our visa apps, bought plane tickets, researched ministries, gotten yellow fever/ spinal meningitis shots and have prayed like crazy for these amazing nations. I am still in shock. God is good.
We leave july 9th, and will return august 28th. I am in for the adventure of a lifetime. my only regret is that i will not be spending any time with my family this summer. the first summer in my life that i will not spend with them. I love my family so dearly. the thing is, i know they are all in support of this. they could not be happier for me, and this gives me more joy than anything.

the good kind of exhausted

we just had the best two days of the entire mobile trip.
we had the priviledge to work with an amazing ministry in the ghettos of L.A. It was so much fun just hanging out with all the kids. we were told that the area we were in was a huge gang area, and that shootings are not an uncommon thing. The gangs wage war on one another, all hispanic, and if you make a wrong move on marked street, you might as well be dead.
understanding this, then spending two days with some of the most incredibly sweet/loving/smart kids, it broke my heart. these kids have been brought up to believe you need a gang to survive. that revenge and retaliation give you the respect you've been told you deserve. their role models are either in jail, selling drugs, or prostituting themselves on the street. this is normal life for them. and i want to take them all home. every. single. one.
But i cant save them. i can hang out with them, encourage them, tell them they are beautiful and loved. i can tell them they are good at things. all sorts of things, like soccer, art, music and homework. I can show them they have value. real value. but ultimately, the decision is theirs.
when we left today, they surrounded us, and prayed for us, and didn't want us to leave. these are the kids who they said never pray out loud. they gave us an offering, and i felt ashamed, only because i would rather have given all my money to them, or to a cause that would ensure their bright futures. normally i hate being called candy. i usually loathe it. but today, it was the most beautiful name i've ever answered to. that and "dulces".
I've never been so blessed in my life, i dont think. the people at the mission, the kids, my team, were all so incredible. i couldn't have asked for better friendships than these. i couldnt have asked for a more effective two days. i am exhausted. but the good kind. the kind where i know something real happened. that a difference was made, and that difference was the love of
Christ being present in us. not only present, but contageous.
We got back to riverside (where we normally reside) at around 11:15 pm. we have to wake up at 4:30 to begin our travels to santa margarita where we will be setting up our booth and doing a fair bit of mobilizing at a cinco de mayo fest. it really is a good kind of exhaustion.

going mental, going mobile (part 2)

Here i am, in Southern California. I am on a mobile trip, the second one i've ever been on. (see previous posts for details of the first.)
Megan, Luke and I were all, how do you say, left behind, when everyone from our base decided to go off and have amazing adventures over-seas and change the world. But we get to do this. we get to share our passion with colleges, high schools, youth groups and churches. we have been handing out buttons like mad, and people really are responding. we have been praying that God would lead us to specific people, so it should come as no surprise when people keep saying things like "man, God has really been speaking to me about missions. i wonder if this means something. hmm."
People are slightly weirded out that we came ALL the way from oregon (as if it were another country) to come and talk about what we are doing and why. my common response is because i love it. i love the challenge, the adventure, the freedom, and the knowledge that i am making a difference. a real difference.
Its been a good week so far. we are here for another two, and tomorrow we pick up my most amazing norwegian friend from the airport in ontario. (she had to renew her visa in mexico. yeah, beautiful naive norwegian blonde, alone in mexico. I dont know how she is still alive. she's crazy.)
mostly, i love hanging out with college age studenst who have so much passion, but have no idea what to do with it. we get to give them some ideas, some options, and their response is so fresh. they really do want to change things.
the best part is, we get to be in the sun. alot. mostly because we set up our huge promo booth outside at some random college. and this is So Cal, and it is hot. us oregonians just aren't used to it. we are baking like toasted cheesers.
oh, and megan got a rash. a really bad rash covering her arms. we believe she is allergic to the sun. yup. amidst the white and freckly-ness of her skin, you can now see bulbous red lumps starting to creep their way up her skin. it would be really funny if it didnt itch so much. tonight, we are sharing at a youth group. we are doing a full set, meaning we speaking, showing a DVD, doing monologues and then i am playing a song i wrote. im nervous. we have not done this yet. but i think it is going to be good.
ok. i will keep you posted about how things are going.
oh! we also got to go to the huge displace me even held by the "invisible children" people here in LA. We slept in cardboard boxes alongside 6,000 other people. look it up online, you might just see us.