going mental, going mobile.

we leave friday for our mobile trip accross california, nevada, utah, all the way to colorado. i get physically sick when i think about it. thats how nervous i am. i just really want this to be good. i want people to get passionate about christ. about missions, about life, and about love.
we have one day till we leave, and just now, things are starting to come together. God is strange, but good.
so, i would love some prayer. pray for finances, safety, passion, and patience. pray that we start fires wherever we go.

sooner or later, i might let you down.

Sometimes i just really struggle with the thought that i let you down.
not just you, everybody. preferably, i would like to just skeep by, without standards, without responsiblity and thus never letting anyone be dissapointed by me. ever. i realize this is ludacris. but it sounds nice.
the thing is, i have alot of responsabilities right now, and im terrified of failing. the truth is, i would love to write everyone of my supporters "thank you" letters every month. i would love to have the drama perfect and polished by next week. i would love to have every single assignment finished by monday. i would love to have to my bathroom cleaned, my car washed, my room spotless, the mobile tip planned and paid for. i would love to call a member of my family every single day, just so they know i have no forgotten them. i would love to come home to portland this weekend, just to have a small escape.
i guess what i am trying to say is, im sorry. im sorry for letting you down. im sorry that you may not have heard from me in awhile, or think maybe i had forgotten you. its simply not true. i am not good at this yet, but im working on it. so please forgive me. i love you.